Teresa Brooks Life Coaching

Live your best life …

LACK: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE ASPECTS

It may seem odd to look at Lack from a positive perspective. On the physical level, Lack is very useful when doing the shopping list: no tea bags…. buy some more. If the fuel gauge in your car is nearly on empty, call into a service station. On a spiritual/ emotional level, Lack identifies the area in consciousness where some ATTENTION is needed. I emphasise the word attention because it is at this point that you need to have an honest look at what is present ( tell yourself the TRUTH) and give the appropriate level of appreciation (give yourself the LOVE needed) and then thank Lack for letting you know how that aspect of your consciousness had been faring. I guess you could call Lack a ‘self regulating device’.

Kim Mc Millen, author of, When I Loved Myself Enough, says, “…..emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth“.

So, if the truth is that there is no deficit in our consciousness; there are just qualities to appreciate; why does Lack loom like a spectre over the lives of so many people?

This brings us to the ‘good enough’ rule.

Being good enough was certainly a message that was instilled in me as I grew up and not measuring up to this standard was to be avoided at all costs. This message which (at its best) was supposed to keep society on the self improvement track has been experienced as negative by many. This negativity often plays itself out in the following way. Situations arise which cause you to question the amount of a quality you possess. For example, you may be a generous person but on this occasion you may have been less generous than usual. If there is a perception that you aught always to be most generous, this lower level of generosity may be experienced as Lack.

The perceived Lack may be the source of pain, embarrassment or self criticism. Under these circumstance, once Lack takes hold, it is very difficult to see the amount of generosity you have as being of any value at all! The ‘not enoughness’ of these qualities throws you into a spin where truth has no place at all. You may feel angry and disappointed with yourself for operating below your own/ accepted standard (See, Standards to Live By- blog) You may punish yourself with words like, “..a good person would always…..or I’m so stupid……or I’m too selfish.” There are many ways to bring yourself down.

Isn’t it amazing how much effort is focused on what is missing as if harsh criticism was the only solution to the problem? Consider the notion of the ‘glass half full and the glass half empty’. What happens when we are in the grip of Lack is that we agonise over the fact that the glass is half empty instead of savouring/ enjoying the half that is left. Now there’s a radical idea!!!!!

Tremendous effort is made to compensate for the Lack. The fear of not being good enough leads many people to over extending themselves, ‘bending themselves out of shape’, or acting as if everything was under control. Using this much effort to conform to a standard, is very tiring and ultimately unfulfilling. You are operating from what you do not have( in the way of resources). To demonstrate the danger of continually operating in this manner, consider this financial model. Spending the resources you do not have would require a bank overdraft and if this is not able to be serviced, bankruptcy could be the result. Living outside your means is not a sound plan for financial well being.

Yet, you could focus on the resource you do have ( in this instance, generosity) and appreciate how powerful and sufficient that resource actually is. You could aim to operate from within your generosity.

When you value and care for your qualities, you recover your self worth.

Do you need to make friends with Lack? Yes, you do.

Do you have to step out of a particular mind set to achieve this aim? Yes, you do.

Will it feel uncomfortable at first? Yes, it will.

Will it be worth making the effort? Most definitely!!!

VALUING WHAT YOU HAVE (YOUR QUALITIES/ INNER WEALTH) AND GIVING FROM WITHIN YOUR RESOURCES IS THE ULTIMATE POSITION FROM WHICH TO BE OF SERVICE TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

Have fun getting to know Lack.

Be kind to yourself.

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