Live your best life …
Happy 2014 blog readers. I hope the holidays have been enjoyably restful.
After writing the examples for , What’s that Hiding in the Shadows, I became aware of an answer to a question I had been asking my consciousness. I had been working on this issue for a long time.
Family members often provide us with lessons to learn. When my father became less able to look after himself, one of my siblings took it upon himself to dictate my responsibilities in this area. There was no discussion, negotiation or taking my circumstances into account.
I went through a range of feelings; anger (don’t tell me what to do. I am a responsible person) bewilderment (how are we going to cope?) guilt (I should be the one doing this) and disappointment (my circumstances mean nothing?) Feeling sorry for myself was my first reaction. I built up a story around these feelings which, on the surface, seemed to support what I felt. It took ages before I recognised that I was reacting to an ultimatum. Eventually, I began asking the question, “What is really going on here?” For the best part of a year, there was no answer no matter how many times I asked the question.
Then one day, I heard myself delivering an ultimatum over a minor issue! Yes, I HEARD MYSELF!!!!!! and the penny dropped. Up until then, whenever my ultimatum part was activated, I had all sorts of excuses to justify and defend the behaviour. I was in denial about the chaos I caused when I was in ultimatum mode. Having been at the receiving end of an ultimatum myself, gave me a whole new perspective on how others feel when I employ that particular behaviour. Only then, was I able to sympathise with the receiver. I had a good idea of how that person felt. It was a very sobering moment and a perfect answer for me. I also began to connect the dots between situations that caused frustration and my ultimatum part which was called upon to deal with them. I have more freedom to react differently now.
So, how come the realisation/answer came when it did and so long after the event? I don’t know the answer to that. What I am convinced of though, is that if you keep asking the question, an answer will come. I suspect that it takes time to be ready. I’ve learnt that it is useless to try to force your consciousness to deliver an answer. There seems to be an optimum time for answers, as long as you remain open to receive them. The paradox being that, waiting for an answer is both infuriating (can’t hurry it) and perfect (tailor made to fit your situation). What continually makes me smile is just how perfect the answer is. Because of this, I am learning to be grateful for the experiences which develops self knowledge so accurately.
So, if you are struggling with an upsetting situation, know that:
there is something to investigate (a denied aspect needs recognition and some TLC)
dealing with issues can be uncomfortable and is often hard work
ask the question, “What is really going on here?”
Keep asking the question until you receive an answer no matter how long it takes
The answer will be perfect for your situation and will add to your self knowledge and increase your freedom to choose a response.
Keep up the good work and be kind to yourself.