Teresa Brooks Life Coaching

Live your best life …

WE ARE RARELY UPSET FOR THE REASONS WE THINK: forgiveness- extra information 2


Most people would agree that we run our lives according to our beliefs. What we believe becomes the ‘truth.’ When our ‘truth’ does not match someone else’s truth, then every fibre in our body screams out that there is something wrong; that there is a threat to our survival. It is a warning that our ‘castle’ is being besieged and we need to defend it if we want to survive, which, of course, we do! If we can’t make the other person change his/her mind then he/she is the one at fault even though that person is operating under the same scheme as we are (protecting their beliefs). Crazy. This resistance to a cherished belief lies at the basis of blame issues and unforgiveness and has a destabilising effect on our lives. How do we go about addressing this situation?

Many metaphysicians state that we are never upset for the reason we think. They claim that we are essentially all the same; possessing all the same traits as our neighbour; given that the expression of these traits differs from one person to another. Therefore, whatever we see in another, we can find within ourselves as well (Mirror principle) Whenever we hear someone say, ” I could never be like X. He is so disloyal, a liar, manipulative etc., ” STOP. A disowned part of our consciousness has just put up its hand and it is an opportunity to get to know this part and to heal/integrate it into our life. What prevents us from seeing disloyalty or manipulation in ourselves is the fact that we express these traits in different areas of our lives. We may act that way in any of the following areas: spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, familial, social/personal or physical. For example: Feeling hurt when someone has not delivering on a promise? Check whether you always keep your word to yourself. Have you promised yourself that you will start exercising more or meditating more etc. and then found a myriad excuses for not doing so? Disappointing yourself counts, even if you minimise the effect or choose to ignore it.  We are only able to forgive someone when we own the ‘unfortunate’ trait we observe in  another.

Byron Katie calls this exploration, The Work, in her book, A Thousand Names for Joy. Katie begins ‘the work’ by asking the client to fill in a ‘Judge-your-Neighbour’ work sheet. Putting these judgements down on paper is designed to draw out all judgements not just the obvious ones. You might as well get all the ‘stuff’ on the table! The judgements are put up against the following 4 questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without that thought?

Lastly, there are the Turn around statements. The turn around statements are based on the judgements you made about X but are rewritten as if they were about you. So, if you wrote, ” X is such a manipulator,” then the turnaround statement would read, ” I am such a manipulator.” Each turn around statement requires 3 genuine examples of how this is true in your life. Challenging? Oh yes! Are you bristling at the idea? That’s a normal reaction. Remember, you may be expressing manipulation in a different area of your life. You may not be manipulating anyone else but you may be doing it to yourself and that counts. As long as you think the cause of the problem is someone else’s fault, a resolution cannot be found.

John F Demartini, author of The Breakthrough Experience, also utilizes a question and answer technique to ” balance out lopsided perceptions that have been running your life, health, wealth, relationships and self worth, and free up your potential and inspired inner voice.” He calls this work the Quantum Collapse Process. The process is comprehensive and detailed. Demartini claims that, “every person has every trait,” and that ultimately every trait (that upsets you) will prove to be YOU reflected off someone else. There’s that mirror again!!!!!  Our personas don’t let us see the traits we deny ( a form of protection). Our only hope in the healing/forgiveness process is to deal with these traits when they are reflected in others. Eventually, we come to realise that every judgement is a call to growth, a call to expand our consciousness.

The Healing Codes ( Alex Loyd and Ben Johnson) ” work to heal, change and upgrade erroneous beliefs, no matter when they were formed, so that we are functioning fully in the present using present time information.” There is detailed information on the web site about the origins of this methodology. The Healing Codes system comprises 3 Inhibitor categories designed “to remove garbage” from our lives and 9 Core categories designed to “instil the seeds that will grow into life, health and prosperity.” When considering a troublesome issue, all emotional responses and allied beliefs are listed.  There is a questionnaire (Heart Issues Finder) to help pinpoint problem areas. Where Healing Codes differs substantially from other methods is in the addition of healing energy which is administered by the clients themselves (or a coach; consultations are available) to the 4 healing centres around the head and neck.  The Healing Codes make use of affirmations (truth focus statements) in conjunction with the healing energy to counteract erroneous beliefs. The web site, http://www.the healingcodes.com, has many interesting testimonials as well as other aids (DVD’s etc) to help with your personal transformation.

I am intrigued by the addition of healing energy to the examination of issues or traits, reflected or otherwise, and if the energy work dissolves painful cellular memories and speeds up the process of assimilation (where we exchange our fictional beliefs for the truth) then why not make use of it.

It would appear that we cannot escape ALL of who we are; the good, the bad and the ugly. The parts we deny or ignore will work at getting our attention, one way or another (those pesky mirrors are everywhere!) Doing the ‘blame game’ is alive and well and heavily entrenched in our society. But, if peace, contentment, soul growth or a strengthened spirit are among your goals in life, then this less comfortable road needs to be travelled again and again until you are done.

The truth will set you free.

Be kind to yourself


A Thousand Names for Joy, How to live in Harmony with the way Things Are, Byron Katie

The Healing Codes, Alexander Loyd and Ben Johnson

The Breakthrough Experience, A Revolutionary New Approach to Personal Transformation, John F Demartini



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