Live your best life …
Last month I wrote about the experience of contrast and our general misunderstanding of the role it is ‘supposed’ to play in our lives. In this blog, I want to have a closer look at contrast as it plays out in inter personal relationships. I want to examine our thoughts and reactions when we are faced with annoying people especially the ones we blame for making us feel frustrated and angry. I have found the following analysis of what we tend to do when we feel ‘stuck’ in a relationship quite insightful. Esther and Jerry Hicks describe the behaviours we display in these situations most succinctly. I could certainly see many of my reactions in their description!
But first, a reminder about the meaning of contrast and expansion as used by the Hicks’.
Contrast: a mechanism for making choices by contrasting one situation with another. For example, What do I want/not want in my life? By comparing contrasting situations, we are able to choose something better for ourselves. This equals an improvement.
Expansion: The improvement that is sought. For example, I have a partner who is not supportive so I want a partner who is MORE supportive. The words ‘expansion’ and ‘improvement’ are interchangeable. The expanded state makes us feel good.
Annoying people are found everywhere; at home; at work; in clubs and associations. In any one of these scenarios, the annoying person can become the ‘thorn in our side.’ That person becomes the bearer of the contrast/conflict, which is necessary for us to work through, for “the expansion and growth of our consciousness” (E & J Hicks) At some stage, the desire we expressed has attracted to us the very person who is vibrationally perfect to get us from point A to point B. This is the person whose ‘responsibility’ it is to bring about the improvement that we have been asking for. Of course, neither person is necessarily conscious of their part in this story nor is cooperating with the steps necessary to achieve the desired outcome because the steps tends to look nothing like the original desire! Oh great, you might say and I agree; it makes things difficult.
The following is the Hicks’ take on what happens when we are not cooperating with the expansion or the improvement we say we want.
” You have someone in your life who is harassing you into expansion. That person has been giving you grief for a long time and you can’t shake loose of him/her. You talk about this person so much that the Law of Attraction just keeps that person right in your space. And even if you are able to remove yourself from the vicinity of that person, another one takes that person’s place because you have something active in your vibration ( like a particularly strong belief ) and the Law of Attraction just brings it on, over and over again.
You are tied together vibrationally and you are using the details (the stuff that’s going on) of this relationship as your reason not to expand and that’s why you can’t get your mind off this rascal. That’s why everything seems to be that person’s fault. Have you noticed that when you have this sort of thing going on in your mind ( and almost everybody does to some degree) then for a while it is THAT person and then it is THAT person (who is pushing your buttons). It seems like there’s always something or someone you’re using as your current excuse to not let yourself feel good. It’s like, ” If I could just wrestle this one last rascal to the ground and kill him, then in the absence of rascaldom, I would feel good.”
However, if the Thorn/ Rascal were to speak, it might say, ” Come on, will you get a move on! You said you wanted X and I agreed to help you achieve your goal but now you just won’t cooperate. It’s my responsibility to complete this assignment. So please get busy and address those issues that stand in the way. I can’t do that for you or let you go until this is done.”
It would appear that we can’t rid our vibration of things that bother us because we live in an inclusion-based Universe, well, not by resisting them anyway. It is suggested that we ‘un-train’ ourselves from habitually complaining about whatever is bothering us. Most of us can’t do a 360 degree turn, so we have to do this in incremental steps. That means concentrate on the thoughts that make us feel better ( about the Thorn/Rascal) rather than dwell on the thoughts that bring us down. Even if we find only one thought about the Thorn/Rascal that does not upset us, that is a start, we are on our way. But…. and the but can be a really big one…. because a change such as this is easier on paper than in reality. It is so easy to fall back into the old habit of complaining. It takes about a nano second! The good thing is that we can always start again. Training ourselves to say, ” Wouldn’t it be good if I was not so judgemental, critical etc., about the Thorn/Rascal? or I can appreciate that this person tries hard,” rather than going through a litany of grievances, is a start. Depending on how entrenched the old habit is, will determine the length of the recovery but recover we can as long as we stay determined. By concentrating on thoughts that make us feel better, we become more of a match (vibrationally) to the improvement we seek.
We need to ‘untrain’ ourselves from total dependence on agreement with co-workers or family members as validation for who we are. Depending on others for how we feel is a recipe for disaster. Whilst we may appreciate encouraging comments and compliments, we cannot rely on this type of confirmation to bolster our self worth. We are all responsible for our own feelings. Therefore, practising appreciation creates a soft buffer (between where we are and where we want to be) and a graceful way of gaining emotional independence and alignment with Source Energy.
So be ready for what you wish for…. because the Universe will send you someone who is obliged to help you make the improvement in your circumstances but it may not come in the type of package you were expecting! If this wasn’t so serious, it would be funny. Oh, the irony or it all.
Be kind to yourself
Source: Esther and Jerry Hicks: The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships.
Related blogs: The Law of Attraction and its relationship to Contrast- Part 1.
How the Art of Appreciation Affects What We Are Able To Create
You Get What You Think About Whether You Want It or Not